“Why do we fall, sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”

~ Alfred Pennyworth, Batman Begins (2005)

I can’t quite explain why I’ve been not writing for a while. I guess is the same reasons as always, I just don’t feel like it.
I’ve been kind of dealing with depression and stuff, everything has been difficult for the last year if I’m being honest.
Since February 2024, some things happened and somehow changed the balance there used to be in my life.

It’s been a while I’ve been thinking about all of this, because it’s almost a year I feel like I’m lost.
But at the same time during this time, I’ve won a lot, I’ve finished college, I’ve got a great job, I went to Egypt, Dubai, Türkiye, and still I’ve lost. And I thought, am I really losing? Or am I just being ungrateful for what I have?

So I remembered something I have very present in my life since 2015, and maybe I forgot.
A win is not always a win, it depends on the context. On what you wanted to achieve and how you wanted to achieve that.
Just as pain, you can’t really measure it, because it’s subjective, it’s personal, it’s yours. No pain is less valid than other.

It’s the same way for success or winning. Let’s say you are an Olympic medalist, the best of all, you prepare yourself for the gold and you know it is yours.
But for some reason, unexplainable, you get the silver. So you are devastated, you are destroyed, you just lost.
And the guy with the bronze medal is just euphoric, he just made the greatest achievement of his life. he didn’t beat you, but still somehow he won, more than you did (?).

It’s all about perspective, and how you see things. And you could be winning, but still is not up to what you expected, so you feel like you are losing.

This takes me to my first point in today’s post.

Parrondo’s paradox

In game theory, Parrondo’s paradox is a combination of two losing strategies that results in a winning strategy.

There exist pairs of games, each with a higher probability of losing than winning, for which it is possible to construct a winning strategy by playing the games alternately.

Now, this is very logical when it comes to game theory, but in real life we can find a way to apply this paradox.
In 2023, I took a series of decisions that were basically ‘losing’, lost friends, lost opportunities, lost time.
In that time I was sure that all these decisions were necessary in order to eventually win, to get something greater.

And in many senses I was pretty sure I was going to win, but almost 2 years later, I am just not being lucky.
I’ve been losing, and losing, and losing, and I’m just tired of losing.
I really need a win.

Socrates died poisoned, Nietzche died hallucinating, and Baggio died standing

When Roberto Baggio was only 3 years old, he promised his father he would win a world cup for him someday. Right after Italy had just lost that one against Brazil.

Years passed… Roberto Baggio became a great footballer, and 1994 came.

In 1994 Roberto Baggio played an spectacular world cup, he was almost the best player of the tournament.
The final: again Brazil vs Italy.
It all had to be decided in penalties, Baggio was the last one to kick for Italy. If he failed, Brazil would win the world cup.

Baggio took the shot and… missed the goal. He just stood there in the middle of the field, hands on his waist, silence.

El silencio invadio todas las casas de Italia. Era una simple imagen de derrota, nada ni nadie pudieron consolarle por mas de 5 años.
~ elefutbol

A few days ago, I was on the verge of achieving something interesting, something I have worked for, and the universe knows I’ve wished for it for a long time.
It felt like it was only necessary one last step, one last step that was not in my hands, all I needed was some luck.
A series of things happened, leading to me standing in the middle of the street, rain pouring down on me, I put my hands on my waist and stood.
I had lost, yet again, and all I could remember was Roberto Baggio.

It wasn’t a huge loss, it was something I can deal with, but the fact that it is the n-th consecutive one was just devastating.
I really felt like I couldn’t take it anymore, I had done everything right, and still, I had just lost.

A friend of mine saw I posted a photo of Baggio on WhatsApp, and sent me this other one:

I immediately understood the message.
After a Brazil 2014, there is always a Qatar 2022.

Life is a Rollercoaster

You can’t always be high in life. it’s contradictory, high becomes normal, and nobody wants normal.
You get used to high, you become used to being there, and you need to aim higher, because any other way is like losing.

Life is a rollercoaster, and you can’t always be high, you can’t always be winning, you can’t always be losing.
You can’t enjoy a rollercoaster in which all there is are the fun and exciting parts, you need the slow parts to actually enjoy the rest.
Just as life, you need to be low, to actually value when you are high.

And I know I must enjoy the ride, cause this rollercoaster has an ending, and I don’t want to reach the ending and realize…
I didn’t enjoy the ride.

I don’t believe my life is bad, I just want better, and that’s not bad.
But I must be grateful for what I have, because any other way I guess I just deserve to keep losing.

I guess something like that happens to me, I’ve been high for a while, and now I’m just low or maybe even normal.
But I know I’ll be high again, and so will you.

I just need to fail and lose a little more, keep playing the game, and eventually things will work out.
It always works out for me.

I always win… eventually.

A little something I need to add

I hate it when wins are remembered for being a win.
I hate it that in real life, only winners are remembered.
Because there are valuable losses out there, great stories and trajectories that didn’t end up in a win. Take Baggio for example.
I like writing about my life, because I know I’ve lost a lot, but my stories are amazing.
And so should everyone, we should all value the losses, applaud the courage of the ones that lose bravely.

Some losses are worth more than some wins. And as a Real Madrid anti-fan, I know what I’m talking about.

I know this post had no structure whatsoever, but it’s been months I don’t write, so it is a good place to start.
Have a great weekend, and remember, we are all losers.

“A champion is defined not by their wins, but by how they can recover when they fall.”

~ Serena Williams