Usually, I start these posts talking about some unrelated topic, so this time is the fact that 2 weeks ago I was finishing a project I had with Docker and Kubernetes (project I hated btw, definitely I don’t want to work on that field).
And randomly while trying to fix an issue with Docker I completely murdered my Ubuntu OS, which means I lost 2 posts I had practically finished, I was just waiting for the right time to post them.
So, I’ll have to rewrite them, and I’ll post them right away so I don’t lose them again.
Still, this post is not a rewrite, this is somehow a rage post, a really personal one; with the only purpose to read it in a few years and think “Damn, what a year”
And of course, I’ll make it public because YOLO, and as always, I hope someone can feel identified while reading this, and maybe get some good feel out of it.
Because, no matters how hard and lonely it goes, You’re not alone
Let’s see… Two thousand and twenty-two…
I started this year drunk, making my way back to where I lived, sitting on the snow every ten seconds, thinking if there’s a way for me to walk that far.
I stood up and started telling my friend how I always felt like a failure for some personal reason.
Throughout the year this was a recurrent thought on my mind, the fact that when I was 16, I felt like the king of the world, just so young, with so many achievements for that age, so much potential for a kid, just ready to come out and make it big!
And what now? Where is that gone? Have I made it big?
That’s the thing, have I? Will I? Is it late?
And after thinking about it for many nights, I think I’m not late, but I also think I have to keep going, I can’t make the same mistake that 16-year-old kid made, I cannot swallow the story that I’m destined to do great things. Because the fact that I’m good at something doesn’t mean I’ll be that good forever, if I want great things in the future, I have to actually make them happen.
Will I make it? I hope so.
When will I make it? I don’t now
Do I have to? Beautifully, I don’t have to… It’s my life, and whatever I choose is perfectly OK.
What is “making it big” for me?
Before 2022: Work in some great company, be recognized and remembered.
Right now: Be who I want to be, with the people I want to be, and do the things I want to do.
I don’t owe nothing to anyone, and I’ll do what I thing is best for me and the people around me, because I’m old enough to take that responsibility to myself.
I had a 2022 in which I promised myself to keep away the people that didn’t add good things to my life, because as of this year, I am tired of being a second choice for everyone, it’s just amazing the amount of people I have met since 2017 that wanted me in their lives either because I was their last option, or because they simply needed something from me.
I personally believe I did almost a good job, because I got rid of a lot of people that were harmful for my life, but it’s too hard to get rid of everyone.
And if right now you are thinking “Am I one of those persons?” Probably you’re not, those persons don’t care enough about me like to read this…
I spent a year, in which I had to fight one of my greatest fears, which is fighting my problems completely alone, I consider this a great win for my personal growth, but it was just heartbreaking, depressing and even lonely.
I used to have a person with whom I could go and talk to, open up and cry about the shit happening to me, this year I lost that, and that made this year especially hard.
By now I have to fight my mind a lot, but it’s just really pleasing to notice I react a lot better when bad things happen to me, I’ve become a much calmer and less explosive person, and I’m really proud of myself for that.
Because, trust me, you don’t want to be a person who explodes, does everything out of courage and anger, and then sits and cries…
Is just a thousand times better to stay a second thinking about what just happened, and find an adequate reaction.
Some might call that as repressing your feelings, and they’re not wrong, but by now, it’s the best I can do.
But 2022 were not only bad feelings and loneliness, it’s been a year of wins.
When I started this year, I didn’t know what I wanted to do after my bachelor degree, and now I don’t only know, but I have a plan of where to go, and what to do, and when that plan fails (because it might fail), I kind of know which another plan to take.
When 2022 began, I doubted my skills and capacities, now I trust myself and the way I organize my life, but of course I always add just a little chaos to my order.
I made just a couple of friends this year, but I am really happy that all of them seem to be good and balanced people.
It’s been a year in which I listened to a lot of music, in order to keep my head busy, but strangely according to YouTube, I didn’t listen that much to Of Monsters and Men or Bastille, which usually are my comfort bands.
But I’ve also found comfort in another band: Airbag, taking into consideration I didn’t listen to them since 2008, when I lived in my always beautiful Buenos Aires.
Fue un año donde vi a mi segunda patria salir campeona del mundo, donde lloré cada partido de la emoción y el dolor de recordar lo que significó para los argentinos llegar a este mundial del 2022.
Y el alivio que todos sentimos al ver esa hermosa copa volver a Ezeiza, de la mano del mejor futbolista de la historia.
Es un sentimiento de mierda que si no entendes, no se lo puede explicar.
I would usually say this was a year to let go and move on, but the pain I’ve experienced this year and the lessons it gave me; are something that will stay with me forever.
In a balance we could even say it was a year in which I lost.
But…
It was a year, that I hope works as an inflection point in my life, I believe that the things that happened this year are not as relevant to my life as a whole story, but they mark a beginning to what are going to be 3 very important years in my life.
Because, for me, 2023 to 2025 will be the years that completely shape my future and my life.
I hope that this was a changing year for you as well, although I know in big aspects a year is meaningless, because it’s just the way we arrange our calendar, but still, they were 365 days in which our lives changed.
Happy new year to all.
Y somos campeones la concha de su madre!!
